I am always amazed how the Lord gently reminds me of thoughts and resolves I have made in the past.
I am currently reading through Dancing With My Father, by Sally Clarkson. It is a book on what REAL joy is for a believer. The last couple chapters I have read are focused on relationships. How our deepest joy can be found through the course of "laying-down-our-lives" relationships. Where my wants and desires are not always on the top of the list. Where encouraging and breathing life into an other's day should be natural and overflowing, not fake, like bloating someones ego, but pure and from the a heart that is overflowing from my relationship with the Creator and the love he has for me.
I have always been a people person, outgoing and. I moved to a rural town and now live on the outskirts of town. I don't know but a handful of people that live in my town, and that is to my detriment. Because I don't attend one of the denominational churches in my town and I homeschool my children, my circle is very small. I have a handful of GREAT, Godly women who I have invested my life in around me. I also have a group of families that share our homeschooling lifestyle that have become those dear friends. Because life is so different for me here in rural America, I have lied to myself and have begin to believe that I don't like people! That I enjoy the seclusion my acreage affords me.
At first, this lie was a defense mechanism to wart away the pain of loneliness. I was my way of stopping the tears of not a "bosom" friend, or even a surface one for that matter. But over the course of 10 years...the lie has become a reality to me.
I believe that I don't want to invest time, that it's not worth it, that I like my little circle. THAT IS NOT BIBLICAL!!!! Jesus did not come down from Heaven and pour himself into immature people that questioned Him on everything for me to sit around like a hermit because I simply lied to myself to make me feel better. SPARE ME!
I need to be out there. To open my home to people, not just my friends. To love on people the way my mom taught me. To enjoy the children coming in and out of my children's lives. To make myself vulnerable to others again. Not to be a doormat, but to again be genuine in my loving.
I am resending the lie that I don't like people. Better yet, I am reforming TRUTH that I in fact LOVE people. Which, is how my heart feels! So, from now on I am taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, who layed down his life for me, and for all mankind because of his overwhelming LOVE for us.
Gotta run to Bible Study!